Jumat, 28 April 2017

Friday Lunch and People Changing

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I don't know if you all realize it or not but everyone change.
Changing doesn't always means as a big change but something small that you might not noticed could be a change too.

Recently I talk with someone.
Know him for so long time, like 4 or 5 years ago.

Been a long time never really chat or talk with him.
It may about 3 years or so that we never really talk.
And I was really surprised on his change.

Back then he reply chat slowly, as he didn't type fast.
Now he type faster than me...Kkkk
And he is a lot more talkactive.
Well, was talk active too but now is way more.
Which is good, as I actually not talk a lot.

And that's an example of small changing that I was talking about.
Even if it is small but that's a change too :).
And it is a good one of course.

I was adore him.
Even now I still adore him.
He is very down to earth person.
He never boasting things about himself.
Oh and also that he is more religious than me.
I really like that.

He did good for his life.
Well, life is bitch for sure.
There's always an up and down in life.

I told him if result is never been the number one matter.
What really matter is effort and hard work.
I know if he is working hard and I see it as a really good thing.
Because honestly comparing my self to him, these few years even if I feel like I work hard but it is nothing than him.

I also told him if I feel really proud of him.
Not for what he have now.
But I really proud to see his constant effort.
Not everyone could do that tho.
And I told him as long as he work hard, I believe if good result will following.
Klo orang Kristen bilang ada hukum tabur tuai.
Kamu tabur benih kebaikan maka akan tumbuh kebaikan.
Kami tabur benih kejahatan maka akan tumbuh kejahatan.

For me, effort and process is important.
Result is never been the only one parameters for me.
Because some people do nasty and dirty things to get the result.
And that not impressive for me.

So what I want to say here is people change.
You can't use your memories about someone to justify about that person.
So you can't be easily making conclusion about things if all you have is memories.

Btw, I'm sleepy.
Talk again tomorrow.
Last I will show you all my lunch today.
Went lunch to food junction today :D.

Nite....

Selasa, 25 April 2017

New way to curl my hair and habit

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It is 11.19 pm and I just done curl my hair...Haha.
Was tempted to do the pin curl but I find it quite time consuming so I just give up.
Then I try new way to curl my hair using straightener.

Not a real new tho, since people did it from long way ago.
But my straightener was too big to be used in this way.
Since I bought a new one recently so I try to do it tonight for the first time.

Man.....
It is so much easier than a traditional curling using curling wand.
And I only need less than 15 minutes to do it.
Usually I need at least 30 minutes to curl my hair.

So excited that now I find fast way to style my hair.
At least no more bad hair day tho.
ahem, only for going out, but for daily don't care enough lah :D.

At office, I'm not really bother about how my hair or make up.
Most of the times I put my hair in high bun or pony tail style.
Idk, I get easily annoyed with my hair if I did not clip it out when I work.
My friends at office use my hair as their notification.
If I put my hair in high bun, means I'm in high pressure and easily irritated...Hahaha.
If I put my hair down, means they can tease and joking around with me.

Btw, I'm trying new good habit now.
I try to drink a glass of plain water before bed everyday.
So far, already been doing it for a month.
And it is improve my skin condition a lot.
My skin was pretty dehydrated.
It is oily but flaky aka gross.
And I do use appletox from Tony moly religiously recently.
Help my skin to be better and get rid those blackhead + Whitehead.
It feels smoother than before...Kkkk

Oh and plain water also good for my health.
I try to drink plain water more now.
I drink water less than my friends and they always said if it is unhealthy.
Not that I drink too little because at least I drink about 800 ml till a liter at office.
But they just drink more than me.
So they kind of encourage me to drink more water because we sitting all day and it won't be good for our kidney if we didn't drink enough water.

Yeah, I met positive and supportive friends.
They encourage me to do positive things more.
Hey, changing is not always about a big thing.
But if you can change your bad old habit into a new good one, it still called as changing :).

Change a bad habit is a lot more harder than just learning a new thing.
It is something that come from your inner self.
People around can give you advice but if you never really want to change then it will never happen.

Anyway, sorry for the gloomy post this two days.
Like I said, when I got a flashback then I will got that gloomy feeling.
But it is just for awhile, after that I will back normal and fine :D.
Because after all for me, it is all just memories.

Actually I have something that I want to share but for now I just can't.
For this one I just praying because it is not a thing that I can manage.
I told my friends about this and they are kind of support me.
It is kind of impossible but just praying for it.
God know everything, Good and bad.
For now, I just living life and enjoy everything.

If it really happen as what I pray for.
I will share about it here.
For now, let me keep it.
Because actually nothing happen yet.
I just want it and wish it happen :P.
And if it not happen as what I want then let just keep living a good life and enjoy every moment.

Life is short.
I want to fulfill life with positive things.
And being with positive people is bring more positive mind.

God willing, it will find its way.
If not then, no harm at all :).

Nite.

PS: my nail polish smell so good.
It is Revlon perfumery nail polish.
Not mine tho, grab it from my mom toiletries.
She got it from my cousin.
Me?
Hahaha, I bought sale nail polish from wet n wild. So cheapo, only USD 3.

Senin, 24 April 2017

Only You

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Looking from a window above, it's like a story of love
Can you hear me
Came back only yesterday
I'm moving further away
Want you near me

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

Sometimes when I think of her name when it's only a game
And I need you
Listen to the words that you say it's getting harder to stay
When I see you

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

This is going to take a long time and I wonder what's mine
Can't take no more
Wonder if you'll understand it's just the touch of your hand
Behind a closed door

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I just finished watched 13 reason why last night.
And as you know, this song was played when clay remembering Hannah at corridor.

I don't know if any of you know this but actually I like Selena Gomez song a lot.
Well, ok this song not Selena song (it was originally by Yazoo).
But first time I heard this song was Selena version.
And this song kind of deep for me.

People interpret this song in many ways.
Some said it's their wedding song, some said it's a break up song.
For me it is neither of it.
But the lyric is kind of what I really want to say out loud but I can't.

"All I needed was the love you gave, All I needed for another day, and all I knew only you".

When I listen this song, someone pop up in my head.
It just like automatically pop up in my head.

I sing this song yesterday.
Save it as mp3 file.
Then I send it to that person.
Person that pop in my mind every time I listen this song.
I don't have any motive.
Simply I just want him to listen this.
I wish he can understand me a lil bit (even though I know for sure he will never really able to understand me).

I don't know if he know this but all I want was his love.
And yes you read it correctly, I said "was".
But he failed me many times.

For now, I didn't think about it much.
I try to keep my self busy.
If I'm bored then I go out.
I don't want to thinking much about stuff that will hurt me or make me feel sad.
Sometimes will remember but most of the times I'm fine.

I think working is really help.
Being busy at office and meet friends at office, for somehow make me forgot things.

Hey, I'm still human tho.
But remembering memories doesn't equal with want to back to the same situation.
I feel better this way.

PS: today is really damn hot.
Was playing with my niece & nephew outside.
So hot.....

Minggu, 23 April 2017

Suicide

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Everyone have problem.
And as long as we are alive, no one can living without problem.

But, do you ever think about suicide?
For once in your life, when things getting really hard for you and you feels like there is no way out.
Do you ever think about suicide?

There was some moments in my life where I feel really down.
And many moments where I feel like I'm alone even when I stand in a crowd.

Last year around this time I was suffered.
My body was tired, my mind was exhausted and my heart was gone.
I was alone and lonely in a place where I have no one to talk to.
Even if I said this many many times in this blog but still there's no word can describe how broken I was.
I was alive but inside I'm dead.

But...
I thankfully I was never lose my faith.
I really thankful to my mom for never stop support me & help me to passed that hurt moment in my life.

I know, you may say if I should just move on from it.
And I assure you if I already move on.
But sometimes those moments came as a flashback and I can't forget it no matter how hard I try.

I just finish marathon watching 13 reason why.

This movie is about a girl who committed suicide after so many bad things happen to her at school.
Bullying, name calling, rumours, exc.
And no matter how hard she try to make a friend and being nice, it's all end up as mess.
Everytime she assure herself if this time it's different, it will end up with her being disappointed.

With so much things going on, she have no one to talk.
She have no friends.
People who was being her friends, left her alone.
She can't talk to her parents either, because they have their own problem and she don't to be another problem for them.

I think it's a good movie.
It's such an eye opener about how cruel kids at school can be.

I cried a lot when I watch it.
It is sad because what she need actually just person who care and love her.
She tried over and over again, but people around her keep make her disappointed.
Till in one point she feels like her life isn't worth anymore.

I really understand that kind of feeling.
And it is not easy to find people who can understand you without judging you.

I was think I found a person who can understand me, care at me and not judging me for what I had done.
But well, I'm wrong.
Because if you care, you won't have heart to hurt and make that person disappointed over and over again.

That person make me disappointed over and over and over again.
Now I distance my self.
Not hating or something, just feel better with some space.
If he is in trouble and need me, I will always help him with all my own.
But as long as he good and happy, let's just put space.
Even if I'm clumsy but I tried my best to do everything by my self and I'm confident if I will be ok.

Anyway, what I want to say here is suicide will never be a way out of your problem.
No matter how hard it is.

Life is never been easy and will never be easy.
Trust me, I have so many disappointing moment in my life.
I'm falling so many times.
But I'm not giving up.

Value yourself, value your life.

Remember, so many people out there who fighting and struggling to be alive.
So don't ever give up for life.

Jumat, 21 April 2017

Sick, office conversation and creepy phone call part 2

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Ok, first of all I want to say that last night I got that creepy phone call again!!!

This time I'm not pick up at all and just blocked that number.
Man, seriously it's very creepy.

Btw, about office conversation I'm not going to talk about my work.
Simply because it will be be boring and exhausting.

What I mean by office conversation here is more about the random stuff that me and my friends talk about at office.
We usually talk about a very random things at office and laugh it off.

Like recently my friend just came back from Malaysia.
At leave application letter she was wrote the reason for her leave for medication.
But then she actually just travel there.
Fast forward when she is back  she told me that she got food poisoning when she was there.
I can't stop laughing after hearing that.
And I was like "nah, that's maybe a karma. You said if you go for medication. Then you really got medication there lor...Hahaha".
She was like "look at her, so happy eh to find me got food poisoned".
:p.

Basically we talk about daily stuff at office.
Talk about food, movie, kids (well some of my friends are married), school, old friend of ours.
We even talk about Chinese God sometimes....kkk.
Oh no issue ok, many of my friends at office are Chinese.

And old friend means our friend at University day.
One of my friend at office went to same University with me.
In fact we are in same major and same batch.
But I don't remember her at all.
In other side, she remember me during my University days.
Ok, I'm bad person (>_<).

As I said some of my friends at office is married.
So they will talk more boldly.
Like today I'm not went to office because I'm sick (will talk about it later).
So my friend chat at our WhatsApp group asking why I'm not coming to work.
I was telling her if I didn't feel well and I'm throw up quite many times last night.
You know what she said.......

"You must be pregnant....Hahahaha".
And I was answered it with "maybe. But not pregnant with baby inside. I'm pregnant with all my fat inside....Hahaha".

They know if I can't be pregnant for now lah.
I mean, pregnant need 2 person in different gender involved.
I can't be pregnant by my self lah.
I'm not hermaphrodite....Hahahahaha.

If you read my story about office, I believe you will think if I did an easy job.
Like everything is on ease.
But don't get it wrong people.
My job is not easy at all.
It is a serious job.

Our random office conversation happened only at our lunch hour.
The only one hour that we have for eat and chit chat.
After lunch hour over, we back to our desk and back into all those stressful things.

Well, actually it is more stressful in my department.
Because we have a lot of going on (and I can't share what is it about here, it is company secret).
Not as easy as what people think of.

Some might be think, oh you work at big company, got many project from government company, your client is big company (at Indo and international too), so it must be good and easy for you.

People, it is wrong.
Every job have it own difficulty.
It may look glamorous outside but you never know how we make it work inside.
So love your job, stop complain and comparing your job with another.
You will feel more peaceful that way.
If you don't like your job, then quit.
Instead of keep complain, it easier to quit and see if you can get a better job.

As for me, I'm very confident if I can get another job.
I mean, I have my brain working here.
Last year, I'm home from Jakarta with nothing!
Money at my bank account was depleting.
I was totally a mess.

And within 2 weeks, I got this job.
Everyone surprised on how fast I can get new job.

I bet you all don't know but in my whole school days, people looking down at me.
By telling you people, it's​ not a stranger but my own family (to be exact, family from my dad side).
I never be the best at school.
Yes, I still be in at least top 10 in my class.
But it was not good enough for my family.
They often comparing me with my other cousin.
She always on top 3 at her school.

So they always underestimate how I survived on my adult life.
But then, I prove them if I'm survive.
I got all my job by my self (half of my cousin got job with help from their parents or our aunty/uncle).
And among all of my family, I'm the only one who can speak English fluently.
Writing in English is easy peasy, and I believe many of them can do it.
But only me who really can speak in English.

You know you can speak English well if you simply didn't need subtitle when you watch movies (any movie in English).
And I don't need subtitle at all now.

I won't deny this but I improved my English a lot after I know Mr Ip.
Simply because I was forced to communicate in English with him.
No one else, I repeat no one else in my environment speaking in English.
So if I was not met him, I don't think I will speak English as free as now.
I will be always shy bc I'm afraid to say wrong word.
And I will thinking a lot if I used the correct grammar or not.
So yeah, it was because of him.

I was rarely speaking in English.
I was can speak English but not confident enough for it.

Eh talking to much today.
Perhaps because I got a lot of sleep today.
Been a while since I got a good sleep.
Usually, even at Sunday I will going here and there.
Nap is precious for me, as I can't do it as often as I want.
When you wake up early everyday, you will know how precious nap is.
But I only can do it like once every few months.

Today I'm sick.
So were home all day and sleep like a pig.
I may just tired and need rest.
Because now I feel good and more energized.
I'm ready for real life tomorrow.

It is the first time I'm sick since I back from Jakarta last year.
I think I got everything all out back then in Jakarta.
I got very sick back then and decide to go home.
Mentally and physically sick.
Too sick like a zombie.
Was cry cry everyday man, can't sleep either, so end up as a zombie :p.

After that, never really get sick.
Today I just feel unwell but not overly sick.
Just preventing my self from getting too sick like before so I stop when I feel tired.
I need to value my self more.

Actually I'm getting fat now people.
I'm 48 kg now...Haha.
It is the most heavy me in all my life.
Before went to Jakarta my normal weight is 47 kg.
When I back home I was only weight 42 - 43 kg.
So you can imagine how thin I was.
And I don't want back into that dark days.

That's why I will cutting off everything that will make me feel sad.
I want to appreciate my self more, I do work hard, I do treat people nicely, I deserve a good and positive things too.

Anyway, 10.30 pm here now.
Need to sleep.

Tomorrow if I feel good then maybe will going to mall with my friends.
We were have plan to eat KFC this Saturday.
Ok, actually it was me that craving for it.
They just accompany me :D.
I'm so so so lucky to find friends like them.
They really supportive friends and make me laugh a lot.
Can't believe if we really can make friends at office.
At my previous offices never really have friends like them.
Usually just talk at office and that is, not really hang out and stuff.

Ok really go sleep now.
Ciao.