Senin, 16 Oktober 2017

To be loved

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Last weekend I was attended my friend wedding.
I used to love wedding since I can gathered with my friends.
But nowadays that feeling is gone.

When we were Young, we just talk about work, movie, song.
But now when we gathered, everyone talk about their child and their marriage life.
Well, sometimes I can't catch up with it.
To be honest, I do have a moment when it makes me feel sad.

I see my other friends that not married yet and didn't have bf either.
Their life seems to be centered with work and work and making money.
They seems not really care if we are getting old.

I'm a family person.
And I always have a dream to have my own family.
I don't want to spend my live alone forever.
I want to grow old with my husband and my kids in my side.

Even if I have money and everything in this world.
But if I feel lonely, then I will never able to feel happy.

I know if money is important.
But it's not my everything.

I don't need branded stuff.
I don't need expensive stuff.
As long as I can feel if I'm loved, it already makes me happy.

For me, to show a person if you love him/her doesn't always equal with expensive present.
Even with a simple "I love you" words (and you really mean it), I already can feel if I am loved.

I watch pita vlog a lot.
And sometimes I envy her.
Bc I can see if her husband love her so much.
She went to US when she was 21, fresh graduate and she never been abroad before.
But her husband trust her if she can do it.
She went to US to marry him.

I really envy when she cook or make cookies or take care their kids then her husband come and praise her.
Even just a simple "honey, this is really good".
For me it show how much he love her.
And for woman, it is means a lot when your man did it.

Or when he give her time to watching movie alone and take care their kids, so she can have her "me time".

Oh and the best one is when she was sick and he was deployed (he is in US air Force), so he buy her food online so she don't need to cook.

Every woman will say if having a caring partner is what they want.
Because after all we just want to feel if we are loved.
And that wherever you are won't change how you feel on us.

I'm a bit emotional person.
So whenever I went into nice place or taste a good food, I always remember Mr Ip.
Because I want him to see and taste it too.
Or when I see things that nice, I always think that it will be good for him.
And I always think if I should buy it for him.

I don't know if any other girl are as emotional as me.
But that's how I am.

I love him, that's why I always thinking of him and care.
But sometimes, I feel like he didn't get it.
He always pissed off and mad at me, all the time.
Sometimes I just laugh it off but many times actually it makes me feel sad.

He never know but whenever we fight, I always end up crying a lot at night.
It makes me sad that he don't understand my heart.
And I always try to be patient not bc I can't fight back, but bc I don't want we fighting.

I know he never mean it but there is time when I feel neglected by him.
Sometimes I questioned my self, am I really important for him?

But I also admit if he did a lot of things for me too.
And I appreciate all things that he did for me.
Without him, I may not become who I am today.
I learn a lot from him.

IDK, just feeling blue now.

Wedding effect maybe?

Sabtu, 07 Oktober 2017

Can't sleep!

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I had coffee this afternoon and.....
Dang it, I can't sleep now.
I need to go sleep actually bc tomorrow need to go walking in the morning.

I'm pretty busy this week, so I can't make any video :(.
Already had idea about what should I do for my next video but have no time to shoot.
I use natural lighting so I only can fill between 11 am - 02 pm.
After that time it will be too dark to make a decent video.

I think I'm a really simple person.
Even when I only got comment or seen my view is climbing up little by little, already make me feel happy.
One of my video finally have 1000 view now :).
Yeah, it sound little for others but for me is already big.
I never thought if there's people that will watch my sloppy video.

And a lil bit more then I will have 100 subscriber.
Again, maybe small number for you but big for me.
As my channel is totally newbie channel.

Maybe will have time for film in Sunday.
So I can publish new video in Tuesday.
Even just imagine filming already exciting for me...haha.
So simple, no ambition at all :p.

Today I had an interview.
Kinda confident about it but dunno the final result yet.

Monday and Tuesday will have another interview.
Monday one is third interview in this companu (first and second one was interview by phone, since their HO at Jakarta).
Tuesday will be interview with another company.

All this three company are kind of big company at Indonesia.
Hope so will got the best.
I need to consider plus minus in every company.

Never give up.
Never stop praying.
Never stop believing.

I'm not worry, I'm not afraid.
I have God that will always be my shield and protect me.
Like what nani said if there's people that try to hurt you or block your way, never thought if it's a dead end.
Keep trying, keep praying and you will got bigger thing more than what was you own.

I already feel sleepy now.
Better go sleep.

I don't want to think about stuff that make me feel gloomy and sad.
I need to stay in this positive vibes.

Nite all.

Kamis, 05 Oktober 2017

Random talk

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Been a while not writing here.
There‘s some stuff that I want to talk about but later lah.

Actually I have a 😡😡😡 feeling inside but I won't think about it too much.
Let me just do things that will make me feel happy.

I'm happy that one of my video finally got 1k views.
I'm happy that my subscriber is almost 100.
And all of it motivate me to make a better video :).
Hope so later can have new friend from it.

Tomorrow I'll have interview and Monday will have another interview.
I believe if slowly God will open way for me and restore everything that been stole from me.

My friend told me: if people close your way, doing you wrong or stole something yours, don't worry n don't be afraid.
Keep trying and praying.
God have bigger plan for you.

As long as you never give up, you will got something better n bigger.

And that's why I'm not giving up.
I will never give up.

So for anyone who incidentally read this blog post.
Don't ever give up.
Even if people around hurting you and try to let you down.
Not easy, I know.
But you will be fine.

Sometimes people did disappoint you.
Even when you already try your best, for them it might not enough.
I know that feeling.
I understand it more than anyone else.

But for me, I won't thinking much about things that make me feel disappointed or angry.
I focus with things that make me feel happy.

Back then I focus with things that make me feel sad.
I focus with people that hurt me.
And I don't get anything from it, I only hurt my self more and more.
So I change.

If you read my blog post, I seems like I'm ok right?
Actually inside, I'm disappointed n angry.
But now, I won't focus with this kind of feeling.
I want to be positive.

I mean, hey I have 1k views now.
So I prefer to feel happy for it.

Minggu, 01 Oktober 2017

Sore Throat

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Good morning.
It is 06.30 in the morning now and here I am sippin my lo han kuo tea wishing that my sore throat will gone soon.

I had bad sore throat these 3 days.
Already take the medicine lah, so I‘ll be better soon (crossing finger).

This is changing season at indonesia.
Hahaha, I know sounds funny like we have 4 season or something.
But well, now is changing season from hot summer into rainy season.
And living in tropical place, during this time are the time when a lot of people got flu, cough, and cold.
So even if it sounds scary but actually a normal thing here.

Mr Ip was even ask me, how could I got cold when it is not even winter.
Well, tanya lah pada rumput yg bergoyang.
Kok bisa aku flu pas panas-panas begini.

Oh btw, he is not around now.
I feel lonely whenever he travel.
I mean, yeah he is not around me anyway.
But when he is travel, it is different.
Well, as long as he is happy and fine then I wont say much about this.

Sometimes people around me asking, why he travel non stop.
They just cant understand it.
Well, all I can say if it is his dream and his passion.
As long as he is not hurt his self or hurting me, I wont stop him.

So yeah,
Happy sunday everyone.
Wish you all a happy sunday.
And I wish my sore throat will gone away asap.

Selasa, 19 September 2017

Tak lekang oleh waktu

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So boring.
I feel like I want to scream out loud.
but I cant.
I feel like I‘m very dumb n hopeless now.

I‘m thinking about a lot of things.
And my short term goal is to have new job so I will able to save money.
I need to save as much as I can.

About me and Mr Ip, we‘re good.
Well, of course we still always have argument over stuff but just a normal argument.
There‘s no couple in this world that never argue lah.
But if there‘s any couple that never argue then kudos for you guys :D.

Mr Ip did give a lot of advise and I still digest all of it.
We did talk a lot lately.
Yes, we talk a lot of crap to each other but we also talk about serious thing.
So yes, there‘s a lot of things need to be think of and prepare.

Actually I didnt really feel to write tonight.
I‘m pretty much in bad mood because my free video editor is expired now.
You can imagine after working for hours and hours for edit your video then you find out if it is expired so you cant export it.
Yes, that‘s why I am kind of bad mood today.

I have stuff that I want to write here but not tonight.
I‘ll just go sleep.

Btw, I miss Mr Ip a lot.
Well, I do say it to him directly too.
We will meet each other at end of year anyway.

Next year I want us to have holiday together if possible.
I want to go to vietnam or philippines or cambodia.
Well, want to go to bangkok too but most likely will go there with fams.
It will be better if he can join actually.

Mr Ip is a very reliable man.
In my family I always in charge to arrange everything.
If I have him with me, I feel in ease.
And that‘s why he always said if he spoil me a lot :p.
Also he can spend more time with me and my family, giving them good impression of him by being reliable.

Or if it‘s too hard, I will just fly to HK/China to see him.
But it is me lah.....
I‘m not really talking about this to him yet.
Just let see lah

My mom change a lot after our HK trip.
I can say that she likes him and accept  him more now.
There was time when she hate him more than anything.
But I always trying to change her mind and talk about his goodness, about good stuff that he did.
Without being overly praising him in front of her.

He is not a perfect person but he have good heart, that‘s what important.
I make sure if my mom know it.
Bc if I‘m overly praising him, my mom will have very high expectation in him.
If he cant fulfill it then it will be disaster for me.
So let my mom know how good he is but I make her remember if nobody‘s perfect, including him and me.

Let‘s talk again later.